Torn Down and Built Up Again
Amazing are God's ways! His infinite wisdom, mercy, and charity are beyond anything of which the human mind can conceive. In fact, His methods of building His City here on earth are often counter-intuitive, at least by human standards. Recently, such an experience of God's omniscience has been granted to yours truly. Although it seemed wildly unproductive while it occurred, the proper perspective was later provided by Him, Who is Eternal Wisdom.
As of late, this author has been racked by feelings of spiritual and emotional fatigue, anxiety, and confusion in both personal and professional life. A general understanding of Catholic teaching on the spiritual life has provided a bit of comfort: that all such feelings and emotions are, in one way or another, meant to bring a person closer to God. The unanswered question, however, was how such feelings and emotions were to provide an avenue to Beatitude. The result of that unanswered question, then, was extended periods of discernment during which purpose and effectiveness of ministry were called into serious question.
During these general anxieties, the discerner also encountered obstacles of a more specific and hurtful nature. Such obstacles seemed to be nothing less than the proverbial "icing on the cake." The "signs" that pointed toward change were supposedly clear, and decisions that would lead to drastic shifts in life and work were being considered. Alas, the Lord said that it should not be so! The Omniscient would not be swayed from imposing His will due to my ignorance and stubbornness of heart.
Through the holy wisdom of a spiritual director, the Liturgy of the Hours, and Jesus Christ present in the Blessed Sacrament, God let His will be known unto this sinner. Two scripture passages were crucial in gaining a better understanding of all the recent struggles. St. Paul's Second Letter to the Corinthians screamed to me:
And to keep me from being too elated...a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is mad perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong (12:7-10).
The Letter to St. James expanded and solidified that same line of thought:
Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (1:2-4).
Clearly God's message was that trials and weaknesses were useful. Wisdom Himself had allowed Satan to attack, weaken, and partially destruct this minister and catechist. But, such destruction allowed the Divine Builder to reconstruct the areas of life and ministry that have been the weakest.
O God, you deserve all glory, honor, and praise for your infinite Wisdom and Mercy!