Three 'P's of Family Life

Yesterday, I encountered a few situations that have caused me to think about the place of patience in family life.  As I pondered over the ensuing twenty-four hours, I have come to understand that two other things are also integral to family life.  Interestingly enough, they both start with the letter 'p': perseverance and penance.  Yes, brothers and sisters, family life is made wholesome, peaceful, and joyful by the virtues of patience and perseverance, and by frequent participation in the Sacrament of Penance.


Let us begin with patience, which is a foundational virtue for anyone who desires to grow in holiness, and especially for families.  Patience is the great antidote to the sorrows that would enter our lives.  Daily experience shows us that we do not always live up to expectations, our own or others'.  There are two possible reactions when we recognize that we've stumbled and fallen short of our goal and/or potential.  On one hand, we might give up in frustration and sorrow.  On the other hand, we might try to over exert ourselves to find perfection, which also ends in nothing other than sorrow when we realize that the fulfillment we seek isn't ultimately there.  In his Summa Theologiae , St. Thomas Aquinas writes that "patience safeguards the mind from being overcome by sorrow."  The great theologian goes further: patience is the virtue that allows man "not to be inordinately saddened" by trials and sufferings "which hurt him here and now."  Further, Pope St. Gregory the Great teaches that "patience is the root and safeguard of all the virtues" (ST II-II, Q. 136).  In other words, the only way that a person can grow more fully in virtue, is by keeping at bay the sorrows that encroach when we realize our lack of virtue.

In family life, sorrows are inflicted upon us nearly every day.  Spouses speak (or yell) hurtful words. Children ignore and deliberately disobey instructions.  Parents scold too harshly and punish in ways that bruise children's spirits.  Again, St. Thomas teaches us that "patience is chiefly about sorrows inflicted by other persons" (ibid).  When a family member hurts us, it is only patience that assists us in looking beyond the pain and sorrow; that allows us to focus upward and move forward toward the goal of family virtue and wholeness.  In patience, we recognize that spouses, children, and parents are not yet who God intends us to be, but that He can get them to that place.

There is another important virtue that extends patience into the future, so to speak.  Perseverance enables a person to "persist long in something good until it is accomplished," writes Aquinas.  This virtue is unique in that it "consists in enduring delays" in the pursuit of other virtues (ST II-II, Q. 137).  Thus, we see that patience fails to look forward without perseverance.  By the same token, perseverance without patience might cause a person to devolve into a cold and calculating pragmatism that is not virtuous at all.  Patience reminds us now of the need to look beyond sorrows, and perseverance assists us in continuing to look beyond sorrows for long periods of time.  It seems that these will always grow together.  Family members must always call to mind that becoming a holy and healthy family is a process that takes a long time.  That's why marriage is "until death do us part."

The final "p-word" may be the most difficult of all, although it certainly is the most effective.  It is the most effective because it is a sacrament, which provides grace to fuel our pursuit of the virtues listed above.  Penance is the sacrament, instituted by Christ and administered by the Church, by which a person can convert to Christ ever anew and be brought back into right relationship with God (see CCC 1446).  The most powerful effects of Penance are restoration to friendship with God, "followed by peace and serenity of conscience with strong spiritual consolation."  By the graces of this sacrament, "the sinner is made stronger," which will provide for both patience and perseverance (see CCC 1468-1469).


What member of any Christian family does not want all members converted to Christ and brought into right relationship with the Almighty?  Who doesn't seek restoration of friendship, peace, and spiritual consolation?  Would families not be served well if all members were stronger for the journey of life toward eternity?  For this very reason, parents must allow their children to see them going to Confession; parents must take their children to Reconciliation on a regular schedule (not "when they fell like it" or "when they're ready"); children should eagerly ask their parents to partake of the sacrament alongside them.  By this wonderful sacrament, families will be healed and strengthened for their mission in the world, which is to provide a witness to the love and power of the Christian life.

Of course, patience, perseverance, and Penance are not the limit of a healthy family life.  Indeed, there are many other realities and habits that must be brought into the habits of a family, such as weekly Mass attendance, communal prayer, and the teaching of humility and other virtues.  Yet, the three detailed above are a great place to start.  It will be impossible for Christian families to impact and transform the modern culture if we are not aware that God's mercy and grace will lift us up and sustain us for a long period of time.  Ultimately, we only can rely on Him to push us along and use us as His instruments to bring these three 'p's to the world.

Popular posts from this blog

Learning Virtue from St. Martin de Porres

St. Cyril of Jerusalem on the Eucharist

Gratitude: Foundation of Our Spiritual Growth