A Year of Trial and Trust
I sit down to write, with a cup of coffee at my side, for the first time in over a year. I have missed it terribly, but the hiatus has been necessitated by the winding road that is the life of a husband, father of four kids, and parish minister. There has been much during the past twelve months that has challenged me personally and professionally. At times, my faith in God has waned to minuscule levels. Still, I realize that the recent year has been God's not-so-subtle way of teaching me to trust in His Divine Providence.
At the beginning of September 2014, I was informed that the job I held at the time would not be available for much longer. Within the month, I was offered a new and similar position at another parish. Wife and I were joyful and encouraged about the prospects of moving to North Carolina. In the midst of that joy and encouragement, however, we had to struggle with the emotional trauma of removing children from a school they loved, resigning from a job that I held for almost a decade, and putting a for-sale sign in the yard of a home we thought would be ours for many more years. On top of that, we received fewer condolences from long-time friends and colleagues than we thought we needed to prop ourselves up in the midst of trying circumstances. It hurt, but we were in too much of a hurry to get to the new location to notice much.
The job at the new parish started quickly, without much time to dip my toes in the proverbial waters and wade in. I had to dive right in and start swimming quickly. All of that would have been just fine but for our living situation. After the move from Tennessee, we lived in three different locations within 10 weeks. I don't think I can imagine doing anything more difficult. All four of our children (three of whom were at home every day with Wife because they were too young for school) needed stability that we weren't able to find quickly. We struggled. In fact, I recall vividly that Wife was mad at our Lord because of all the difficulties and desolation.
Months went by in this scenario. On the days that I did pray, I had to will myself to do so. Some days, it was because the kids kept us up through the prior night; other days, it was because I didn't like the idea of praying to a God who was allowing such struggles to befall my family. Sometimes, I managed only to say a few words to God about how desperate I was and we were. I certainly couldn't tell whether he heard or planned to answer. Every day, week, and month seemed like an eternity.
At the beginning of the summer, we were able to purchase a home and begin to put down some solid foundation here in our new location. The two older kids are now in school, and a third goes to a pre-school program a couple of days a week. Now, Wife has a little more time to herself to be quiet, reflect, and manage our household. It does my heart good to see the kids and her making progress toward good things, instead of engaging in an incessant cycle of frustration.
It would be naive to think, however, that the trials have passed completely. We are a single-income family (on a minister's salary). The kids do have to eat, and they continue to grow and need clothing. Kids also like to be involved in activities outside of school. Insurance bills continue to roll in, and vehicle registrations seem to be due at inopportune times. More than any of those, there are the ongoing difficulties of trying to make new friends in a new place. Through all of this, we have realized just how important community is for us as individuals, as a married couple, and as a family.
So, we continue to beg God's mercy as we say, "Jesus, we trust in you." I have learned, despite my occasional self-centered and stubborn attitude, that God has not abandoned us, and that He never will. He might allow me and us to struggle, but it is only so that we lean in and trust Him ever the more. The old cliche is not true: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." God does, indeed, give us more than we can handle, but only so that we will be forced to give it back to Him rather than trying to wrest control for ourselves.
Thank you, Lord, for the trials and the lessons in trust. I am sure that they will be fruitful in my life and as I share with others.
At the beginning of September 2014, I was informed that the job I held at the time would not be available for much longer. Within the month, I was offered a new and similar position at another parish. Wife and I were joyful and encouraged about the prospects of moving to North Carolina. In the midst of that joy and encouragement, however, we had to struggle with the emotional trauma of removing children from a school they loved, resigning from a job that I held for almost a decade, and putting a for-sale sign in the yard of a home we thought would be ours for many more years. On top of that, we received fewer condolences from long-time friends and colleagues than we thought we needed to prop ourselves up in the midst of trying circumstances. It hurt, but we were in too much of a hurry to get to the new location to notice much.
The job at the new parish started quickly, without much time to dip my toes in the proverbial waters and wade in. I had to dive right in and start swimming quickly. All of that would have been just fine but for our living situation. After the move from Tennessee, we lived in three different locations within 10 weeks. I don't think I can imagine doing anything more difficult. All four of our children (three of whom were at home every day with Wife because they were too young for school) needed stability that we weren't able to find quickly. We struggled. In fact, I recall vividly that Wife was mad at our Lord because of all the difficulties and desolation.
Months went by in this scenario. On the days that I did pray, I had to will myself to do so. Some days, it was because the kids kept us up through the prior night; other days, it was because I didn't like the idea of praying to a God who was allowing such struggles to befall my family. Sometimes, I managed only to say a few words to God about how desperate I was and we were. I certainly couldn't tell whether he heard or planned to answer. Every day, week, and month seemed like an eternity.
At the beginning of the summer, we were able to purchase a home and begin to put down some solid foundation here in our new location. The two older kids are now in school, and a third goes to a pre-school program a couple of days a week. Now, Wife has a little more time to herself to be quiet, reflect, and manage our household. It does my heart good to see the kids and her making progress toward good things, instead of engaging in an incessant cycle of frustration.
It would be naive to think, however, that the trials have passed completely. We are a single-income family (on a minister's salary). The kids do have to eat, and they continue to grow and need clothing. Kids also like to be involved in activities outside of school. Insurance bills continue to roll in, and vehicle registrations seem to be due at inopportune times. More than any of those, there are the ongoing difficulties of trying to make new friends in a new place. Through all of this, we have realized just how important community is for us as individuals, as a married couple, and as a family.
So, we continue to beg God's mercy as we say, "Jesus, we trust in you." I have learned, despite my occasional self-centered and stubborn attitude, that God has not abandoned us, and that He never will. He might allow me and us to struggle, but it is only so that we lean in and trust Him ever the more. The old cliche is not true: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." God does, indeed, give us more than we can handle, but only so that we will be forced to give it back to Him rather than trying to wrest control for ourselves.
Thank you, Lord, for the trials and the lessons in trust. I am sure that they will be fruitful in my life and as I share with others.
